


Steady On, My Love

by hellostarlight



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Fix It, Post TROS, Reylo - Freeform, Reylo Baby, freaking jar jar abrams
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-23
Updated: 2019-12-23
Packaged: 2021-02-25 06:09:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21911269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hellostarlight/pseuds/hellostarlight
Summary: When Rey lost Ben she lost the love of her life, the other half of her soul. But although he might not be with her physically anymore, he still left part of him with her — inside her — in more ways than one ;) if you catch my drift
Relationships: Rey & Ben Solo, Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 13
Kudos: 156





	Steady On, My Love

**Author's Note:**

> Ok guys so this is my first time writing fic like ever (so please be gentle) but Jar Jar’s trash pit of a movie is inspiring me to fix it the pile of bantha shit that we were given. I just miss Ben Solo
> 
> And my other goal is to give Rey the family she deserves after they showed her longing for kiddos on Pasana because I cannot be the only one that caught that!!
> 
> Sorry for any grammatical errors :/ I wrote this on a four hour flight 
> 
> I listed to Turning Page by Sleeping at Last while writing! Enjoy :-)

Numb. That’s the best word to describe exactly what Rey is feeling in this moment. Or rather what she isn’t feeling because it feels like her heart is constricting to about four sizes smaller. The new gaping hole in her heart is starting to weigh her down, shifting her center of gravity. She wants more than anything to just feel something other than grief as she stares at what all remains of Ben Solo. He was finally _hers_ for some beautiful fleeting moment in time and now he’s just gone to a place she can’t reach him. But she knows there isn’t time for mourning right now. She knows that the destruction from the battle above is beginning to fall down around her and she needs to get out quick if she plans on making it out alive.

That’s her problem though. Does she want to make it out of this dark place if it means she has to go without Ben? What life does she have to go back to without the seemingly better part of herself. The second that she could sense his arrival on Exogol, she immediately recognized something different about him. He felt lighter, and more emotionally available. The walls that he had built around his signature for so long were completely gone, and she could feel his free spirit calling out to her. His determination was driven by something that she hoped could be described as love. This was Ben Solo, not the supreme leader whom she had confronted on the ruins of the Death Star no more than an hour earlier.

 _I’m coming, Rey,_ he had sent to her through the bond. _You don’t have to do this alone._

And in that moment the conflict she had been feeling in her confrontation with the emperor was quickly resolved and she felt a wave of relief wash over her, with tears building in her eyes. Hope in her heart. Ben was coming to help her, to save her. Just like they had fought off the praetorian guards on the Supremacy only a year prior, they would stand against Palpatine. Together. Just like they were always meant to be. They were two bodies for one being, a dyad. Soulmates. She was only whole with Ben. With him, everything felt effortless.

And that’s exactly how it felt after Ben had pulled her lifeless form into his arms and pulsed his life force inside her to bring her back to him. Effortless. She could hear his voice echoing inside her head, calling her.

 _Rey. Rey please,_ he was pleading with her.

It had felt like being pulled towards the sunlight. Back to herself and to him. The pieces of her consciousness were slowly starting to fit back together, and Ben was winding pieces of himself into her too. And so when she could finally gather the strength to open her eyes, she suddenly felt everything so vividly as she shot her body upright. The bond open and flaring like a live wire. He was around her, apart of her, and inside her all at once. With his hands both on her womb and behind her neck she had never felt so warm and safe. A feeling so natural, gentle and so at home.

She gazed at him and was absolutely awestruck. Even with dried blood and dirt on his face and in his hair, she couldn’t help but think of him as the most gorgeous creature she had ever laid eyes on. He was peering back at her with such wonder and so much love that she couldn’t help the elation that brought a wide smile to her face. She couldn’t help the one word that felt so right on her lips.

“Ben,” she had gasped into the air between them. But they didn’t need words for this moment.

 _You came back_ , she said to him with her mind as she reached her hand up to cup the side of his face. He leaned into her touch and she could feel the heat flaring up within her stomach. Her heart was beating so loud out of her chest she was sure he could hear it.

 _I’ll always come back for you, sweetheart,_ he whispered back to her with a smirk that reminded her so much of his father. He had tears in his eyes that matched exactly what she was feeling just by being held in his arms.

He was rubbing the back of her neck gently with his thumb and looking down at her with such an intensity that she matched with equal fervor. She could feel something lit between them, a tension that was pulling her closer and closer to him. That’s why she felt no hesitation as she pushed forward and pressed her lips to Ben’s eagerly. He returned her kiss with a passion so equal that her head started to feel dizzy. It was like experiencing the thousand years they were going to be together wrapped up in one moment. It was _exhilarating_. He removed his hand from her womb, and pulled her closer to him by the small of her back. They were pressed together so tightly that nothing else mattered but the heat of his skin under her fingertips and the taste of him on her lips. She poured all her love into him and force between them was singing as he did the same. For the first time in her life, Rey felt that everything would be right in her world. Her future was bright with him in it, and she could sense that he felt the same way.

When she pulled away from him his lips, the look on his face was showcasing what she felt in her heart.

Feeling that she once again didn’t need words, she whispered the one thing that she thought could convey how long she’s dreamed of this. Of him.

_Finally._

He rewards her words with the most handsome, crooked grin and gods, she hadn’t realized until this moment that she had never seen him smile before. Ben Solo was the most beautiful man, and she hoped he could hear her thoughts as she lovingly traced the dimple that she didn’t know he had. They had wasted so much time. But now they had forever to make up for it.

But it was too good to be true. The moment fades all too quickly as Ben falls backward. Panic fills Rey as she braces the back of his neck and holds him, just as he had held her only moments before. Her other hand is holding onto his so tightly on his chest and she leans forward over him.

 _Ben,_ she reaches out to him again through their connection, _what’s happening?_

He only responds with a weak squeeze of her hand a faint whisper. _Steady on, my love. You’ll always have part of me with you. I promise._

She feels him slipping away from her and watches in the worst pain she’s ever felt as his physical form begins to fade along with his consciousness.

“No,” she whimpers to only herself when he’s out of her sight. There’s no one else around to hear her, no one to understand the loss that she is experiencing.

Rey is jolted back from her memory as a pillar crashes down in the distance, reminding her that she really should get out of here. That’s what Ben would want after all. She only wishes that she could feel him with her, like he promised he would be. Without hesitation, she leans over the black pile of linen on the floor of the throne room and clutches them to her as she stands. Her vision is blurry from the tears building there and she looks down at the lightsabers that she had used to defeat the emperor and hesitates.

What should she do with them now? She initially feels there is no use for them. She wouldn’t need them again, and if she were honest with herself, she selfishly didn’t want to be reminded of what she lost in this battle. But no. That wasn’t right. The legacy saber and Leia’s that Luke had gifted her didn’t deserve to be left on cold floor of the emperor’s throne room. She reached down and picked up the two sabers from the ground and decided she would figure out what to do with them later.

Rey walks on two steady legs, all thanks to Ben, back to Luke’s x-wing and climbs in to fire up the engines. She shaky old fighter gives her a whining noise before fully roaring to life, but she supposes it will do as she closes the hatch. Reaching for the helmet that had been cast to the side upon arrival to Exogol, she takes a deep breath and pulls it down over her head. Before she lifts off the ground, she sends a signal out to the resistance to let them know she’s alive and headed back home. Only...will she ever really be at home without Ben?

 _No._ She shoved the thought of her mind as quickly as she had it. She needed to focus on flying herself back to the resistance. To her friends, whom she would have to put up on a fake smile for. And she hated it. She knew they would never understand what she was feeling because to them Ben had been nothing but a monster. Supreme Leader Kylo Ren. She wouldn’t be able to rejoice with them because deep down, she knows that although the war is now over, she has nothing to celebrate.

When she touches down, she feels another wave of grief come over her, but quickly pushes it down as she jumps to the ground from Luke’s ship. She scans the crowd, and her chest feels tight. They’re rejoicing the greatest victory of all time, and all she can feel is unmeasurable loss. Finn and Poe somehow find her in the mess, and pull her into a warm embrace. The hug from her two closest friends should make her feel better, but it doesn’t. She’s shaking, and Finn pulls her in closer to his side and whispers something, but she can’t make out more than the words “safe” and “home.” But she’s not home. Nowhere in the whole galaxy would feel like home without the other half of her. In the arms of Finn and Poe, she allows herself to let out a sob, praying to whoever was listening that they mistook her sorrow for happiness.

She does what she must and continues to put on a brave face for her friends as she makes her way through the crowd.

“You did it, Rey!”

“Way to go, Jedi”

“I always knew you would be the one to save us, Rey.”

They shout their praises at her, and many pat her on the back in a silent congratulations, but all she can muster up in response is a lousy half grin and a nod. Because it didn’t matter to her that she saved everyone. All that mattered was who saved her. And how she didn’t feel saved at all. Only empty.

When she can’t take it anymore, she manages to find Finn again and pull him to the side.

“Hey, I’m not feeling too well. A lot has happened today and I really just need to take some time to — meditate over everything .”

Technically not a lie.

“But Rey you just got back,” Finn gushes out, and grabs her arm, “you can’t leave so fast. I heard the real party begins tonight, and I really don’t think you want to miss it.”

A pang of guilt shoots through her. She doesn’t want to let her friend down. Finn was her first friend after all, the first person she was able to form a real connection with. He saved her, took her away from Jakku and he loves him like a brother. But she shakes her head anyways.

“Maybe I can catch up with you guys tomorrow, I just really need to be alone right now.”

She hopes that he doesn’t press her again, because she really doesn’t want to start a fight with him right now.

But he doesn’t. He just pulls her into another hug and wishes her well for the night, promising to catch up tomorrow. She nods into his shoulder with tears in her eyes, and he heads off inside the hangar where everyone else has gathered.

Suddenly remembering what she had left on the x-wing, Rey heads back to where she had landed and climbs up to reach into the cockpit for what she needs to feel grounded.

The black linen is so soft in her hand, and she wonders what material could be so gentle. She had never felt anything like it. Then again, its owner made her feel things she had never felt before either.

She looks around to make sure that the area was clear before she clutches Ben’s shirt to her heart, and runs for the direction of the Falcon, which she can see in the distance. Anywhere that she can feel close to him is a place she’s happy to spend her time.

The ramp is down when she reaches it, and so she walks up as gracefully as she can muster and then finally she’s alone with her thoughts.

She makes her way into the cockpit of the falcon, and plops lousily into the pilot’s seat with Ben’s shirt still clutched at her chest. The hole in her heart is bleeding and unmercifully not letting up. She doesn’t try to hold back her tears any longer as she brings his dirty t-shirt to her chest and inhales what can only be described as Ben. There are hints of sweat, but it doesn’t cover up the musk of leather and mint that fills her senses. She tries to reach out to him through the bond, hoping that maybe there’s still a light at the bottom of this darkness she’s experiencing. Hoping that he’s still tied to her in some way.

_Ben, please. Please come back to me. Be with me. Be with me. Be with me._

What she feels in return is something that she wasn’t expecting, and what she immediately assumes is Ben himself. Her head shoots up and there’s a prickle at the back of her neck, mixed with warmth spreading in her abdomen that feels similar to the other end of the bond opening, but not quite the same.

“Ben,” she cries softly, “is that you?”

She gets no verbal response, but what she feels is enough to make her gasp out a mix of a sob and a small smile. Her hand shoots to her stomach as she begins to slowly put the pieces together of what has happened. Ben truly was with her. Not in his true form, he would never be able to be with her as his full self again, but there was indeed a piece of him that she would have forever. That she would get to carry inside her for nine months and cherish in her arms for the rest of her life.

_A bond powerful enough to create life itself._

She replayed the emperor’s words in her head and shivered with the implications of what it meant. Yes of course. Ben knew what he was doing. He wasn’t just transferring life _to_ her but also _in_ her literally.

Another sob wracks through her, but this time it’s not of sorrow but of joy. Ben was fulfilling his promise to her. He was giving her the family that she had always wanted. The family that she had craved with him ever since they had touched hands across the stars so long ago.

She grazed her hand lovingly across her womb and allowed herself a smile as she feels the tiny light inside her flicker back at her. She feels so much longing and love inside that one small touch inside her that her heart begins to heal just slightly.

She knows that she has to try her damn hardest to make the best of what Ben has left her with. The gift that he’s given her. She can feel in her bones that he didn’t want to leave her. But what he has left her with is something she knows she can make a life of until it’s time to join him again, wherever he is.

The new life she’s going to create for herself and her — no, _their_ child is what Ben would want. She’ll live on for him. In the back of her mind, she hears his last words to her and can almost feel him caressing her cheek like he did back on Exegol.

_Steady on, my love._

“I love you, Ben,” she whispers into the air.

_I know._

**Author's Note:**

> hey guys! pls leave kudos and comments :)


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